Extra Sauce, Please

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Put your happy face on!


Because according to the New York Times, Latin Americans love President Bush!

It's obvious! Just look at the picture they have plastered all over their web site of him smiling and shaking some kind of Brazilian tambourine with a pair of enthusiastic natives! They LOVE him! You can't deny it!

Especially because the Times story tells endearing anecdotes like the one about the time Brazilian President Lula da Silva referred to the G-spot in a press conference, to the amusement of his people and the embarassment of ours! Hilarious!

But, oops, they forgot to mention the thousands of unhappy Latins who weren't interested in anything Bush was selling. In Mexico, in Brazil, in Guatemala, in fact all over the damn place South of the U.S. border there were organized and sometimes disorganized protests, ranging from peaceful to riotous. But that don't bother Shrub! No way! 'Cause he LOVES Latin America!

The one thing I didn't see anywhere in the past month was an article that asked the question, "Why are all these thousands of people so incredibly pissed off?"

Hmmmmm...

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Here and there

I don't have much time today, but here are a few gems I just couldn't leave untouched:

Three cheers for Vermont, where 36 towns have voted to impeach Bush and Cheney for violating the Constitution.


The U.S. has come in third in a recent BBC poll of countries that have the most negative influence in the world. The first two are Israel and Iran, in that order. Good company, eh?


And lastly but most interestingly, South Korea is drawing up legislation to prevent humans from abusing robots. And vice versa.

Will Smith, eat your heart out.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Par-TAY!

I'm gonna get so fucked up tonight. They'll find me howling in the streets, yelling, "EAT THAT, YOU HALLIBURTON-LOVING MOTHERFUCKERS! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Libby was found guilty today, and the bitch is going to be grabbing his ankles in a federal penitentiary for years to come.

Hey Scooter. Watch out for your cornhole, buddy.

Monday, March 05, 2007

With a little help from my friends

There have been a couple of interesting turns lately in the fight over what to do about Iran. First of all, a new report by a British expert suggests that attacking Iran may actually motivate it to develop a handful of low-level nuclear weapons and then try and use them against us or our allies.

From the BBC:

In his report, Frank Barnaby argues that an attack might not destroy all of the nuclear programme. In its wake, it would be much more feasible for Tehran's political leadership to pull out of the Non-Proliferation Treaty and launch a crash programme, devoting maximum resources to developing one or two bombs as quickly as possible.

This, it is argued, means that a nuclear-armed Iran might end up occurring sooner rather than later as a result of military intervention.

You hear that, shit-for-brains? And guess what else? That analysis MAKES SENSE. It would be only logical for Ahmadinejad to try and boost whatever programs he thought would stop U.S. bombing raids, and if a counter attack or even the threat of a counter attack, especially a nuclear one, was feasible, of course he'd fucking do it!

But hopefully it won't come to that. My new hero, Senator Jim Webb, has introduced legislation that would prohibit funding for an attack on Iran without Congress's express approval. Good for him. The only problem with it is that he's a freshman legislator. Where the hell are all the veterans on this? Come on, Reid! What the fuck?

Since when has the president listened to Jim Webb, right? Definitely not since Webb said he wanted to kick the crap out of Shrub. And right now, all signs are pointing to war. Or at least airstrikes.

In any case, Shrub is still giving the go-ahead for us to build a bunch of new nukes. Yay. It's like the 80's again...

An inconvenient fuckup

Al, what the hell were you thinking? You've been around the block, man! Did you really think nobody was going to find out about your enormous electricity bill?

I know you're not Ghandi, but for chrissake, man, the conservatives are right on this one. You can't accept a goddamn Academy Award for a film that tells people to reduce their CO2 emissions and then run up a ridiculous utility bill like that. Your credibility just got shot, man. And Al, I love you, I loved the movie, and I hope you keep it up, but dammit, you have to change your lifestyle if you ever hope to get anyone else to follow suit.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Why I hate Ann Coulter


I hate Ann Coulter so much, it's like- flames. Flames, on the side of my face... heaving breaths...

The supreme psycho-bitch of the right wing's most recent rant involves the accusation that liberals and environmentalists want humanity to die.

Yes, Ann, that's it. You've revealed our secret motive. We want to drive our own species into extinction.

Ann, are you fucking retarded?

Probably. Blinded with hate and stupidity.

The great thing for us here in Colorado is that we have our own local versions of Coulter and Bill O'Reilly on News Radio KOA, which hosts a number of delusional propaganda-spewing bullshit artists, like Gunny Bob Newman and Mike Rosen, both of whom engage quite liberally (pun intended) in the perpetuation of essentially racist statements against anyone remotely socialist or Democratic.

I love to debate, and I love talking about politics, but what I can't fucking STAND is people who won't give anyone else the time to speak their mind without cutting them off. It makes me want to throw things.

I feel you, Sean Penn. I feel you.

Can't you hear the clicking?

They're listening! They can hear everything! At least, according to Fox News, they can.

Fucking weird. I'm not sure what to make of this, but Fox says the Fibbies can remotely activate anyone's cell phone microphone and listen to conversations that way, so in effect, nobody's safe from Big Brother.

Unless you toss your cell phone.

But why would Rupert Murdoch want you to do that? How strange...

Hillary versus Giuliani?

It's still incredibly fucking early in the presidential races, but the numbers are already giving us a preview of 2008. If they hold up (which they may), then it'll be Clinton and Giuliani, the two New York Giants, going head to head for the White House. If that does happen, I'm not sure Clinton will be able to beat Giuliani, particularly because he's so moderate and because the Krazy Khristians fucking hate Hillary.

Still, says the Washington Post, Obama's made incredible strides:

On the January weekend when she announced her candidacy, Clinton led the Democratic field with 41 percent. Obama was second at 17 percent, Edwards was third at 11 percent and former vice president Al Gore, who has said he has no plans to run, was fourth at 10 percent.

The latest poll put Clinton at 36 percent, Obama at 24 percent, Gore at 14 percent and Edwards at 12 percent. None of the other Democrats running received more than 3 percent. With Gore removed from the field, Clinton would gain ground on Obama, leading the Illinois senator 43 percent to 27 percent.

And since Gore ain't runnin', it's more like 43-27, but Obama's shown he can make up ground, though, so I think the real battle is going to be for the Democratic nomination, since McCain isn't doing anything but alienating moderates and Christian conservatives alike.

I'm already willing to bet that Giuliani's going to be our next president, which, honestly, ain't that bad. He'll certainly be a mountain of improvement over our little retarded Shrub.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Cautiously optimistic


I'm honestly not sure what to make of this story, given Shrub's disdain for the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group Report last year, but I'm willing to allow a flicker of hope to endure in my stomach.

From the New York Times:

Plans for talks between Iraq and its neighbors, including Iran and Syria, to find ways to curb the nation’s sectarian violence is now expected to involve the United States and Britain, Iraq’s foreign minister and American officials said today.

Taking part in such talks would represent a shift for the United States. The bipartisan Iraq Study Group recommended in December that Washington hold direct talks with Syria and Iran to help stem the violence in Iraq, but the Bush administration was cool to the idea.

The United States has accused Iran of fomenting violence in Iraq and of supplying weapons that have been used in Iraq to kill American troops. American officials have also accused Syria of letting foreign fighters cross its border with Iraq...

The Iraqi foreign minister, Hoshiar Zebari, said the regional meeting on Iraq would include Iraq; its six neighbors; the United States, Britain and the three other members of the United Nations Security Council; the members of the Arab League, and The Organization of Islamic Conference.

Because of security concerns, he said, the delegates would be officials at the rank of deputy minister and below rather than the foreign ministers themselves. But he said he expected the meeting to lead to others.

The American embassy in Baghdad confirmed the participation of American officials in the talks.

Seriously, I'm not sure if this is a sign that Shrub's people are willing to admit that Syrians and Iranians might be better equipped to deal with the situation in Iraq than they are, or perhaps they're just playing politics, but I'm encouraged by this. Whatever the administration's intentions, it seems like only good can come of this.

Thoughts, anyone?

Monday, February 26, 2007

Ze plans, mein fuhrer!

It's very simple, and very insane. Shrub and his people are going to bomb Iran.

Apparently, writes the New Yorker's Sy Hersh, the reason is just as elemental as Shrub thinks the solution is: our illustrious president really believes that Iran itself would be better off without Ahmadinejad, who he thinks is behind the push for Iranian nuclear power. So in order to bring that about, the Pentagon has started putting together a last-minute bombing schematic, an outline of targets, strike capabilities, and strategic Q&A's for der fuhrer, for when things come to a head.

There is a growing conviction among members of the United States military, and in the international community, that President Bush’s ultimate goal in the nuclear confrontation with Iran is regime change. Iran’s President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has challenged the reality of the Holocaust and said that Israel must be “wiped off the map.” Bush and others in the White House view him as a potential Adolf Hitler, a former senior intelligence official said. “That’s the name they’re using. They say, ‘Will Iran get a strategic weapon and threaten another world war?’ ”

A government consultant with close ties to the civilian leadership in the Pentagon said that Bush was “absolutely convinced that Iran is going to get the bomb” if it is not stopped. He said that the President believes that he must do “what no Democrat or Republican, if elected in the future, would have the courage to do,” and “that saving Iran is going to be his legacy.”

One former defense official, who still deals with sensitive issues for the Bush Administration, told me that the military planning was premised on a belief that “a sustained bombing campaign in Iran will humiliate the religious leadership and lead the public to rise up and overthrow the government.” He added, “I was shocked when I heard it, and asked myself, ‘What are they smoking?’ ”

That's not all. The bushies don't just want to bomb Iran. They want to nuke the fuck out of it.

The lack of reliable intelligence leaves military planners, given the goal of totally destroying the sites, little choice but to consider the use of tactical nuclear weapons. “Every other option, in the view of the nuclear weaponeers, would leave a gap,” the former senior intelligence official said. “ ‘Decisive’ is the key word of the Air Force’s planning. It’s a tough decision. But we made it in Japan.”...

The attention given to the nuclear option has created serious misgivings inside the offices of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, he added, and some officers have talked about resigning. Late this winter, the Joint Chiefs of Staff sought to remove the nuclear option from the evolving war plans for Iran—without success, the former intelligence official said. “The White House said, ‘Why are you challenging this? The option came from you.’ ”

The Pentagon adviser on the war on terror confirmed that some in the Administration were looking seriously at this option, which he linked to a resurgence of interest in tactical nuclear weapons among Pentagon civilians and in policy circles. He called it “a juggernaut that has to be stopped.”

The worst part, though, is that the Dems don't seem to give a shit.

In recent weeks, the President has quietly initiated a series of talks on plans for Iran with a few key senators and members of Congress, including at least one Democrat. A senior member of the House Appropriations Committee, who did not take part in the meetings but has discussed their content with his colleagues, told me that there had been “no formal briefings,” because “they’re reluctant to brief the minority. They’re doing the Senate, somewhat selectively.”

The House member said that no one in the meetings “is really objecting” to the talk of war. “The people they’re briefing are the same ones who led the charge on Iraq. At most, questions are raised: How are you going to hit all the sites at once? How are you going to get deep enough?” (Iran is building facilities underground.) “There’s no pressure from Congress” not to take military action, the House member added. “The only political pressure is from the guys who want to do it.” Speaking of President Bush, the House member said, “The most worrisome thing is that this guy has a messianic vision.”

I may be beating a dead horse on this one, but I just can't get around the fact that our military is stretched practically to the breaking point, we're already involved in two ground wars that have no end in sight, and perhaps most importantly, Iran has fairly solid ties to both Russia and China, who are both supplied with Iranian oil. Taking perceived unilateral action and bombing Iranian nuclear sites would be, at best, incredibly fucking stupid.

But, of course, that's never stopped our criminal-in-chief before.

Asshole.